


Tear me Apart

by OhMyHowLovely



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Aftercare, BDSM, Bad BDSM Etiquette, Blindfolds, Bondage, Caretaking, Child Abuse, Dom Dean, Dom/sub, Domestic Violence, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Ignored Safeword, Light BDSM, M/M, Not from Dean though, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Original Character(s), Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Safewords, Sub Castiel, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Relationships, he's going to save Cas from this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-30
Updated: 2018-01-08
Packaged: 2019-01-25 13:47:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12532912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhMyHowLovely/pseuds/OhMyHowLovely
Summary: After being abused as a child and finally escaped from an abusive relationship, Cas goes to a club and meets Dean who shows Cas how love and BDSM is supposed to go.Current Status : probably not gonna update anytime soon





	1. Nothing Too Harsh

**Author's Note:**

> Not Beta-read :)

Castiel laid in bed exhausted in his afterglow. Dean laid down next to him and brushed a sweaty lock of hair off Cas’s forehead. 

    

“Are you still with me?” Dean takes Cas’s hand and kisses his wrist where the ropes had left a faint mark. 

 

Through tired, cloudy eyes Cas whispers, “Yea…” And smiles.

 

“Good.” 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    At the age of four, Castiel was hugging his knees behind the couch while his dad threw a beer bottle across the room. His mom stood there screaming and crying. Cas brought his hands up to cover himself from the falling glass. His dad grabbed his mom’s arm roughly to the kitchen. He took this moment to ran to the bathroom and locked the door. 

    

    At the age of six, Castiel broke a plate trying to reach for it up on the cupboard. He heard his dad’s heavy footsteps come into the kitchen before yells began to pour in. 

 

“You’re a mistake! A fucking mistake. Do you think buying these plates are cheap? Do you think I buy them for you to break them? Are you the one paying the bills here? I don’t think so! How are you going to pay for them huh? How?” His dad demanded, grabbing Cas’s arm and leaving bruises. 

 

    At the age of twelve, Castiel was sitting by his mom who was puffing a cigarette on the couch. He made the mistake of asking her why she doesn’t leave his dad if she’s unhappy all of the time. He instantly regretted it when she starts screaming at him. She screamed how she loves dad and dad loves her. She screams how Cas was the problem in the family. She screamed about how he was a mistake and how she wishes he was never born. Castiel went to his room after that and locked the door. 

    

    At the age of sixteen, people came to his house and took his parents away. That was the last time he saw the two. A man came and escorted him to a car. The flashing red and blue lights drove away from the house, and that was the last time Cas ever saw the only place he knew. They took him to a building where they gave him a check up. Cas took a peek at the report on the desk.

 

    ✗ Domestic

    ✗ Unexplained marks

    ✗ Extreme behavior

    ✗ Neglect

    ✗ Child Under 18

 

No one wanted to foster a sixteen years old whose parents were both in prison. They placed Castiel in a group home until he finished high school. 

 

    By the time he was eighteen, Cas had met Ian. He met him at the outside of a club and Ian seemed nice. After some time he asked Cas to move in with him and eager to leave his group home, Cas accepted. And then Ian introduced him to BDSM. 

 

    “I-I don’t know…I don’t really like pain…” Cas stuttered out. 

 

    “You’ll like it after you try it.” Ian persuaded persistently. 

 

Cas didn’t like it, but he pretended he did. He didn’t like the way the whip stung against his back. He didn’t like the fear he had when he couldn’t stop what Ian was doing. He didn’t like the yelling and punishment Ian showed Cas. It reminded him of his parents. But he pretended he liked all of it.

 

Ian already was so nice, Cas didn’t want to lose him so he accepted.

 

 

    A few months later…

 

 

 

    Cas’s shaking hands fumbled with the contract with his and Ian’s name on it. Tears were falling down his face as he snapped the lighter once. Twice. The fire sprang up the third time, and Cas held it gently over the packet. He watched as the fire danced over to the corner and threw the entire thing in the fireplace. He picked up the cardboard box of all of his stuff that was left and opened the front door. Ian would be home in an hour yelling, and Cas was not going to be here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    Cas walked through the door of a BDSM club. Sweaty bodies shoved each other as he made his way through the crowd and sat down at a quiet bar. What the hell is wrong with me. He didn’t want to get back into his lifestyle, but he felt like it was missing. That’s when Dean showed up and sat next to him. Cas glanced over at the tall, handsome man.

 

“My name’s Dean, not from around here are you? I haven’t seen you here before.” Dean looks over at Cas and smiles.

“U-Uhh…No, I just moved here.” Castiel stammered. He looked at Dean and awkwardly looked back at his drink. 

 

“Are you…new to BDSM?” Dean brings up. He studies Cas’s reserved figure. He doesn’t look like the type to be into this. 

 

“I-..I actually had a…um…partner before,” he replied nervously, still not making eye contact.

 

Hearing this, Dean beams up. “Would you be interested in trying out some scenes together? If you want, of course, I don’t mean to be too forward.” 

 

Cas hesitated. “I’m not really sure if like…I want to get back into this anyways.” He fidgeted the glass cup in front of him and looked down. 

 

“We don’t have to start anything serious; it can just be a one-time thing. No contract. No commitment.” Dean pushes out there. “It’s perfectly fine if you don’t want to, by the way. I understand.” 

 

Maybe one night was a good idea. No contract meant Cas wasn’t obligated to see him again if this goes wrong. He can just do this one last time and move on. 

 

“O-ok. L-let’s do it.” He looked up and smiled at Dean. 

 

Dean stops before getting up, “I didn’t catch your name.”

 

“U-Uh…it’s Castiel.” He fumbled around.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean drove them both and pulled up in a gated driveway. 

 

“W-whoa, your house is huge.” Castiel stared in shock. Maybe this guy was more than he expected. 

 

Dean led Cas into a room with a large bed and drawers around the room. He laid down some basic rules before proceeding. 

 

“Green for ok, yellow for warning, and red for stop.”

 

“Uhh..o-ok.” 

 

“We’ll just stick to the common kinks for now, ok? Blindfold, rope, denial…” Dean trails on.

 

“Yeah, that sounds good.” Cas took a deep breath. Nothing too harsh. He can do this. No commitment.

 

“Take off your shirt and pants,” Dean ordered. His voice dripped with dominate making Cas nervous. He slowly looks his shirt off his frame, on his back and arms were a few dark marks and scars. He peeled his pants off, revealing a few cuts and blemishes on his legs. Dean stared for a second but didn’t question anything. 

 

“Lay on the bed.” Dean walked over and opened a drawer. He walked back over to Castiel and began tying his wrists and ankles to the corners of the bed before making his way back up and gently secured a red blindfold around Cas’s eyes. Dean planted gently kisses from the boy’s collarbone slowly down to his chest then to his stomach then finally brushing the rim of his underwear with his lips. Cas’s breaths get heavier and squirm the lower Dean got. After teasing Cas with his lips for a while, he finally pulled the underwear down and let the cold air in. 

    

Castiel felt the bedsheets shuffle before a cold, wet feeling at his rim and jumped. Dean’s cool, wet fingers ran over the edge before going pass the ring of muscle and probing deeper. Cas gasps and tugs at the rope holding his arms up. Dean slides his first finger out and adds two in, going deeper than his first time. He feels around the walls of Cas’s insides before pressing against a certain spot making him let out a moan. Dean looked up at the flushed boy. His face was red with arousal and embarrassment. _So cute_. His pink lips were was slightly parted, panting.  

 

Dean massages that one spot making Castiel reach the edge fast. “Do you want to come?” Dean teases and stops the stimulation. Cas lets out a whine and writhes around his ties. “Then earn it yourself.” 

 

“Uhh…” Cas begins, out of breath. “Wha-a..” 

 

Dean leans up near Cas’s face and whispers “Earn it,” he presses Cas’s prostate, hearing a loud cry “yourself.” Dean kept his fingers still.

 

Castiel begins pressing his hips down on Dean’s large fingers. Dean watches in amuse as Cas rides his fingers, desperate to orgasm. Whimpers escaped his lips as he squeezes around Dean. 

 

“I-I c-can’t-…” Cas stutters. Dean gave a little thrust to help and ended up pushing Cas over the edge. He watches as Cas tenses up and spills on the sheets. During his orgasm, Cas still desperately attempts to continue simulating himself on Dean’s fingers. 

 

Dean shushes Cas’s whines and rubs his hips. “He-Hey, I got it now.” He retakes control and thrusts his fingers in and out of Cas’s tight hole. His arms pull on the ropes before his body relaxes and calms down. Dean pulls his fingers out and unties the ropes and blindfold. 

 

Castiel laid in bed exhausted in his afterglow. Dean laid down next to him and brushed a sweaty lock of hair off Cas’s forehead. 

    

“Are you still with me?” Dean takes Cas’s hand and kisses his wrist where the ropes had left a faint mark. 

 

Through tired, cloudy eyes Cas whispers, “Yea…” And smiles.

 

“Good.” 


	2. Talk It Through Dinner

Dean laid beside Cas after he finished. Castiel was exhausted. He wanted nothing more than to close his eyes and sleep. 

 

 

 

_Ian finishes inside of him with a grunt and pulls himself out. Cas hasn’t came but he was too tired to jack himself off. He collapse on the bed and closes his eyes. A pillow thrown at him woke him up._

 

_“Go take a shower.” Ian commanded. “You’re getting the sheets dirty.”_

 

_He really didn’t want to, but was too scared of being yelled at Cas pushed his spent body off the bed and made his way to the bathroom while Ian falls sleeps on the bed._

 

 

 

Castiel, worn out, gets up and grabs his underwear. He puts it on and grabs his pants. Dean interrupts him with one foot in the hole.

 

“You didn’t have a good time?” Dean shocks. 

 

“N-no, of course I did.” Cas explains how he came and everything. 

 

“Where are you going.”

 

“W-well…I-I uhh. I don’t want to bother you.” He awkwardly fumbles with his pants and looks away from Dean. _He probably thinks I’m super annoying._

 

 _“_ What about aftercare,” Dean grabs Cas’s wrist and pulls him back. “Come on” He flips Cas over so he’s facing away and spoons him.

  
“You did so good.” Dean praises and kisses the top of his head. 

 

Ian never praised him after a scene. Castiel wanted to cry. He didn’t believe what Dean was saying. _He probably pities me._ He falls sleep around Dean’s arms.

 

 

 

 

Castiel meets up with Dean a few times more, each time Dean reassuring that it was Cas’s choice to continue.They stuck to the basic red-yellow-green safe word and mainly did it at Dean’s house. That is, until they brought up the idea of a contract. 

 

“Uhh…I-I don’t know…” Castiel murmurs out. He didn’t want to be stuck in a relationship again, remembering his last contract. 

 

“You’ll be able to break the contract anytime. It’s more of just a guideline for us, you know…since we’ve been doing so many scenes together.” Dean explains. Cas thought about it. He has nothing to worry about if the contract wasn’t binding him. This is Dean, not Ian. _Worst case scenario, I’ll just ruin my life completely._ Dean looks at Cas’s worried features. His furrowed brows, his lips pressed together. Dean took one of Cas’s fumbling hands into his own and looks into his eyes. Castiel awkwardly looks around, avoiding eye contact. 

 

“How about we talk about this through dinner? You can read over the contract and think about it.” 

 

“Dinner?” The only time they ever met up was during scenes, never on actual dates. Ian was never this formal with contracts. He basically rushed everything.  “I-I…um…I don’t have any fancy clothes to wear.” After all, Cas only moved here with nothing but a small box of clothes and depression. 

 

“Just wear what you always wear.” Dean smiles and looks at Cas’s jeans and sweater he was had on.

 

“O-ok.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 _Ok, wow. Dean’s a liar_. Cas thought as pulled up into the parking lot of a rather high class restaurant. He pouts at how underdressed he felt. Cas didn’t even have money to buy a suit if he wanted to. 

 

“I thought you said this place wasn’t that fancy.” He grumbles. 

 

Dean looks over noticing Cas’s nervousness and laughs. “You look great. It’s just a casual dinner at a casual restaurant.” 

 

 _How much money does this guy have if he thinks that THIS restaurant isn’t high class._ Cas could feel the awkward stares coming from other people. He felt like everyone was judging him right now. _Chandeliers and silk hung from the ceiling, dimmed by the lights. They order before Dean slides a folder across the table where Castiel was sitting. He opens the document._

 

 

100% SUBMISSION CONTRACT BETWEEN DEAN WINCHESTER AND _____________________ _____________

 

Purpose

The purpose of the contract is very important to ensure the security of the Dom and all that such servitude implies. The contract is a measure of control. The contract is a reminder of the many duties and responsibilities of a live-in sub. They signify control and the lifestyle chosen by sub.

 

Duties of Servitude

Above all, it is the duty of the servant to please.

Personal Duties: Physical/emotional needs of Dom, amusement, sexual toy/plaything, physical comfort, obedience, honesty, loyalty, waiting on Dom as desired and needed.

Household Duties: Cleaning and keeping the home straightened, laundry, cooking, run errands as needed. Any other chores requested by the Dom. 

 

Recreation

Outside of chores, the sub is able to enjoy things at their leisure.

 

Exclusions

Dom will not injure, permanently scar or change either sub or [him/her]self, or anyone, or any part of any body.

It is the Dom’s duty to provide for their sub and ensure their safety and well-being.

 

Friends and Relatives

All friends and relatives of Dom/Sub will be treated with the utmost respect. No anger, argument, criticism, insult or lack of courtesy should be present. 

Relationship of Dom/Sub should be kept private from family. 

 

Behavior in Private

Sub shall address Dom as Sir at all times without fail. 

Sub shall pay full attention to Dom when spoken to.

Dom is more important than any other activity the sub may be engaged in. The sub shall sit, stand, walk, kneel, and lay where, when and how Dom desires.

Sub shall stay in bed at night unless permission is granted to do otherwise.

The sub shall not remove any restraint device for any other reason than an emergency.

 

Punishments

Mild pain for punishment is tolerable.

  
Below is a list of hard limits, decided by the Dom, that is prohibited during scenes. 

Breath Play

Watersport

Injections

Flame Play

Piercings 

Public Exposure

Waxing/Tattooing/Branding

Heavy Humiliation

 

Below is a list of hard limits, decided by the Sub, that is prohibited during scenes. 

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

_______________________

 

Social Contact

Sub is allowed to write, visit and talk to any family member as long as it does not interfere with [his] servitude.

Sub is allowed to write, visit and talk to friends as long as it does not interfere with [his] servitude.

 

Duration

This Contract is valid from this day until the Dom and/or sub feel it needs to be made invalid or updated. This contract may not be changed after day of signature. Future updates will require a new contract to be formed. Either the Dom/Sub can declare this contract invalid at their will. 

 

By:

__________________________, Dom

__________________________, sub

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean gives Cas a black pen. “Here, fill it out.”

 

Castiel looks back down at the paper. Ian never had a contract this detailed, or even offered to have Cas’s opinion on these subjects. List of Hard Limits…He didn’t want to sound too boring and list a whole bunch of kinks that he had issues with. Maybe just a few short ones…Cas scribbles down

Knife Play

Permanent marks/Scarification

and finally signs his name. He slides the folder back over for Dean to read. He looks back at Cas who avoids eye contact and looks anywhere but Dean’s eyes. 

 

“So, about you moving in.” Dean starts. “Do you have a lot of stuff to bring over?” 

 

“No, a-actually. I don’t have that much stuff.” Cas hadn’t touched his stuff since he moved. He was too depressed to unpack anyways. His apartment was empty.

 

“We can drop by your house after dinner and move you over, how does that sound?” Dean picks up his wine glass and raises it. 

 

“Awesome.” Cas raises his glass and clinks. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“And then you just take a right here.” They pull into Cas’s apartment. He unbuckles his seatbelt and opens the door. Dean walks Cas up to his door. 

 

“I’ll can wait out here if you want.” Dean suggests.

 

“Y-yea…” Thank god. Castiel didn’t want Dean to see his sad apartment. He gathered what little stuff he had and walked out with a box in his hands. 

 

“That’s all?” Dean questions, glancing inside the empty room. “I thought you moved here like a month ago.” 

 

“U-Uh, I’ve never felt like unpacking.” Cas lies. He was too depressed and broken after Ian. Dean looks at Cas’s averting eyes and questions his life before he came here. “I-I’m going to check out.” 

 

“Here,” Dean takes the box from Cas’s before giving him a peck on the cheek. He turns around and walk to the car, not seeing Castiel’s wide eyes and blush. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean leads Cas to the room at the end of the hall. “and this is your room.” It was a simple room with a plain white bed. It was was much cozier than the empty apartment he’s been sleeping at. He sets the box down on the bed.

 

“Hey,” Dean interrupts. “Can I ask about your last Dom?” 

 

Cas turns to look at Dean. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I've been busy with school. :( Please comment and like to support me to continue this! :)))))


	3. Hope You Like Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! I'm going to have to study for finals for the next few weeks so I thought I'd update it before I get sucked into my homework. :) Please like and comment to encourage me to keep writing!

“Can I ask about your last Dom?” 

 

Cas turns to look at Dean. He got scared. Dean wouldn’t want anything to do with him if he knew what a broken person he was. Who would want a sub that they have to fix? 

 

“Uhh-w-what about him” Cas stuttered out nervously. 

 

“You just seem a little on edge about this. I want to know how he treated you.” Dean pressed on until Castiel gave him an answer. 

 

“Well,” He gulped. “He was my first Dom; he taught me everything I know. He wasn’t very nice after a while…” Cas glanced away and avoided eye contact. He wasn’t sure if Dean wanted to hear about his problems. _He’s your Dom, not your fucking therapist._ If Dean labeled Cas as “too complicated," he’ll leave him. “…so I ended our relationship.” 

 

There was a brief silent in the room. “What do you mean by he wasn’t nice?” Dean questioned. Cas awkwardly shifted, not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to tell Dean. 

 

“I-It wasn’t…like…it’s not-t…uh…” Castiel tried to get words out, but nothing seemed like the right answer. If Dean found out, he would lose Dean two hours after he signed the contract. That definitely couldn’t happen. 

 

Dean noticed Castiel’s increased stress. He felt uneasy. Dean stood up quickly, facing away. Castiel flinched at the sudden movement and was expecting Dean to get mad and hit him. Like Ian. 

 

Dean turned around. “Hey, it's okay. I’m sorry for interrogating you in the middle of the night.” He laughed nervously. “I’ll let you go to sleep now.” Dean crouched down to kiss Cas’s nervousness on the cheek and left the room. 

 

    

    

 

Castiel woke up the next morning staring at an unfamiliar ceiling. His bed was soft, and he was alone. Cas gently swiped his legs to the side of the bed and got up. Dean’s house was huge. He walked down the hallway into the living room. It was quiet, and the only thing that could be heard was Cas’s footsteps through the house. I hope Dean doesn’t mind me exploring his home. He peeked through a large room that looked like an office. Shelves of books lined the walls with a desk in the middle. Castiel stepped in and slid his fingers along the spines of dozens of books. He wonders if Dean would let him read some. 

 

 

 

_Ian was showing Castiel around his new house._

_“And if you turn right there's the bathroom…” Castiel stared at Ian’s shelf in his bedroom, not listening to what he was saying._

 

_“your room is across fr-…” Ian stopped talking when he noticed Cas staring at his bedroom. He grabbed the knob and closed the door. “You are not to touch anything that isn’t where you’re supposed to be.”_

 

_Moving in with Ian was more restricting than he thought. At least he’s not living along anymore; it’s nice having company. Ian is only controlling because he loves me._

 

 

 

A slight knock on the door yanked Castiel from his thoughts and jerked him around. It was Dean standing in the hallway in basketball shorts and a white t-shirt. His muscles could be seen through the thin fabric. 

 

“O-oh, I-I was just-t…” Castiel nervously attempted to explain himself going through Dean’s stuff. 

 

“It’s alright.” Dean laughed. “I made breakfast. Hope you like pancakes.” 

 

“O-of course.” Castiel stuttered. He was supposed to be doing the chores around here. You’re living under Dean’s roof but can’t even do anything for him. “Let me go get ready.”

 

Dean watches Cas scurried down the hallway to the bathroom like a child. _It’s nice to not wake up to an empty house._

 

 

 

 

 

They walked to the kitchen together. Cas stared at the plates already set on the table. He waited for Dean to sit down before grabbing a seat right in front of him. He awkwardly shuffled in his chair staring at Dean, not making a move to grab his fork.

 

“What”   Dean looked up at Castiel waiting. “Do you not like it? We can eat something else if you want.”

 

Cas looked up and panicked. “N-no! I-I was waiting…f-for you to eat first.” 

 

Dean stared at him from across the table. 

 

“What?”

 

Castiel felt like he said something wrong. “U-uh…I’m sorry.” 

 

“You don’t have to wait for me to eat,” Dean states, sensing something weird with his actions. 

 

“O-ok” Castiel picked up his fork and poked his pancake. He waited for Dean to take the first bite before he began eating. 

 

 

 

 

After Dean finishes, he picked up his plate and went to wash the dishes. Castiel sat there watching Dean do the chores that he was supposed to be doing. He felt useless. Dean talked about how dull it was making breakfast just for himself. He dried his hands before walking over to Cas eating and kneel down in between his legs. Dean placed a hand on top of Castiel’s thighs and looked up into his wide blue eyes. Cas struggled to swallow his pancakes as Dean reached behind his back pocket and pulled out a credit card. 

 

“Here, I want you to have this.” Dean handed Cas the card.

 

“W-what? N-no I-I don’t need tha-…I can’t…” Cas fidgets with his hands at the thought of taking advantage of Dean’s money. He already hasn't been helping around the house. He doesn’t deserve this. 

 

“It’s my duty as a Dom to care for my Sub; that means financially too.” Dean grabs Castiel’s shaking hands, enveloping it in his own large, warm ones. “And didn’t you say that you didn’t have a job.” 

 

Cas didn’t know what to say. Ian had said that he wouldn’t need money living with him and did all of the shopping himself. 

 

“I won’t supervise what you buy. It’s useless to deprive yourself of small joys that I can easily afford.” 

 

Dean opens Castiel’s shaking hand up and place the credit card inside. 

 

“Thank you.” Cas glanced down, not wanting to look Dean in the eye with his embarrassment.

 

Dean got up and took Castiel’s empty plate to the sink. “If you’re comfortable, we should try a scene tonight.”

 

“O-ok.” It was reassuring to have Dean take care of him. He was like the loving parent Cas never had.


	4. Excuses and Explanations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok this chapter is a little short because I wanted to cut the plot out differently (and because I wanted to give you guys something because I haven't posted in a while...even if its short)
> 
> I might not update in a while because school is making me feel tired all of the time :( But I have an idea for the next chapter already
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I know, I know, I want to be an author that updates often with longer chapters too...

The day went by with Castiel doing basic chores around the house. Dean let him clean the large shelf full of books too. He hasn’t been able to enjoy these small luxuries since his time at the orphanage. 

 

After eating dinner together, Dean brings up the topic of doing a scene again. Cas looks up from putting the plates up and stares with his big, innocent blue eyes. He’s put off this topic long enough. 

 

“Uhh…sure.” He hesitates. Cas was worried that he wouldn’t be able to satisfied Dean. Maybe he should have been more honest with the contract he signed. No, no, no. Dean would think he’s difficult to work with. He’s already spending money and food on me while I do nothing. _Being his sub is the only thing I can offer._ Dean was so nice and good looking and funny and perfect and shouldn’t have to settle for Castiel. _If he finds out how messed up I am, he’ll leave me._

 

Dean walks over and takes the plates from Cas. “Go kneel in the living room darling.” His voice dropped into a deeper, raspier sound. The Dom voice made Cas tense up and gently nodded. He fumbled the stack of plates into Dean’s hands and scurried off out of the kitchen. Cas came into the living room and knelt down by the coffee table. He waits a while before Dean walks out of the kitchen. Cas hears his own heart beats as Dean walks closer to him but turns away towards his bedroom instead. Cas, on his knees, watch the Dom go into his room and come back with a leash. The sub begins fidgeting his fingers nervously. Cas opened his mouth to speak but closes it before making a sound. _Dean hasn’t given me permission to talk yet_. He wasn’t entirely sure he was okay with something tight around his neck, but like hell was he going to say something now with Dean in control.

 

Dean leans down and brings the leather strap around Cas’s pale neck. The cold metal latch raised goosebumps down his spine. Or it could have been the nervousness he felt. Dean wraps it around and secures it. 

 

“Is it too tight?” He asks. 

 

Dom Dean is gone. The one with the safe and kind aura around him is back. The one that doesn’t want to hurt Cas.

 

“N-no, sir” He whispers. But the collar was too tight. He wanted to stop it. He wanted Dean to take off the collar and hug him. Dean probably wouldn’t listen to his safeword. 

 

Castiel flinches when Dean raises his hand. Maybe he had said something wrong. Dean only brings his palm down to the top of Cas’s head to give him a rub. 

 

“Good boy.” Dean notices the flinching but decided to disregard it. _If Cas wanted it to stop he would have said something._

 

Breathing got harder as Cas started panicking. The air was too thick and hot. The suffocating feeling reminded him of Ian. Of the times Ian would hold him underwater as punishment. Then suddenly he was drowning. Right in the middle of the living room and Dean’s hand was the one holding him underneath. Colors around him became dull and faded. He gasps to take bigger breaths. Castiel could barely hear Dean’s voice. 

 

“Follow me, pet.” And there was a tug on his collar making him fall on his hands and knees. Cas started rapidly inhaling as he stared at his hands moving in circles. He doesn’t like this anymore. Ians going to get mad at him. Ian’s going to hit him. No one is going to love him anymore. Before he could think about his actions, Castiel’s hand shot up to cling to the sleeve of Dean’s pants as if he was begging. His thin hand was shaking and white. 

 

“Whoa! Hey, hey!” Dean falls to his knees immediately looking at Cas’s glassy eyes. He could hear Castiel softly muttering the word red over and over as if he wants to say it but doesn’t want Dean to hear it. 

 

“It’s over. It’s Dean. Hey, Cas…can you hear me?” Dean shoots his hands out to the metal strap on the back of Cas’s neck and unlatch the collar, letting it slip down. “Hey, it’s gone.” Dean comforts. He waits right in front of Cas for few minutes for his breathing to come down. 

 

“Sorry…” Castiel mutters out after a moment. 

 

Dean looks up at the sound of his voice and looks at his worn out eyes. “No, no, it’s okay. What was that all about? “

 

“I didn’t like-like the c-collar.” Castiel shamefully admits. He saw Dean’s disapproving looks and starts panicking. “O-Only because it was too tight! I-….uhh…” He tries to explain. Idiot! Dean probably thinks I’m so fucking problematic.

 

Dean stares at Cas’s worries face and fidgeting fingers. “You didn’t like the collar?” He questions one more time. 

 

Cas looks down in embarrassment, avoiding eye contact with Dean, and shoots his head softly. 

 

“Then why did you do it?” Dean asserts more forcefully. He was frustrated. Angry that Castiel didn’t stop the scene. It made him nauseous that he was hurting someone unwillingly. 

 

Cas sensed Dean’s anger through his anxiety. “I-…” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what Dean _wanted_ him to say. Their first contracted scene and he already screwed it up. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

 

Dean looks down and realized what his assertion was doing. Cas’s hands were violently fidgeting between his lap. His lips trembled through his attempted explanations and excuses. 

 

“Oh, hey…it’s okay. I didn’t mean to make you upset.” Dean cooed. He allowed Cas’s trail of attempted blabbering to quiet down. 

 

“I’m not mad.” Dean smiled down. “I’m just confused why you didn’t stop the scene before you began wandering somewhere else.” 

 

Cas didn’t respond. He knew he had messed up. 

 

Dean figured Cas would stay silent so he did most of the talking to ease up the tension. 

 

“You using your safe word when you want to is also important for me. I have to carry the burden that I’m the one that hurt you if something goes wrong.” 

 

“I know…I’m sorry.” Cas pulled himself together. He has to get his priorities straighten out. Ian is gone. 

 

“It’s ok. Let’s try this some other time.” Dean puts his hand out for Cas to grab. “Come get dressed” 


End file.
